You know what they always say… love finds you when you least expect it.
And I hate to agree with all those annoying random strangers who love to give single pups like me this very practical (completely useless) advice, but… in this case, I was definitely not expecting to find LOVE.
But before I get lost in the haze of my love story, let me step back and start at the beginning. It’s been a few weeks since my last post, and I’m sure you’re all going through Bacon withdrawal. The weather here in Boston has been a scorcha lately, which means I’ve been hiding out in the comfort of my cozy apartment with my face constantly pressed against either the fan or the window AC. Because for some incomprehensible reason, no one in Boston believes in Central AC. If you don’t believe me, just trust this clever bar sign…
Forget about my sobriety, when the temp breaks 90, I'd sell my soul for some central AC.
So for the past few weeks my grand plans to explore Boston have been temporarily trumped by my greater fear of hyperventilating and passing out on the sidewalk. BUT this past weekend… the New England breeze was blowing off the Charles River and I could tolerate short spurts of activity. In the shade. With lots of breaks. And peanut butter ice cream.
Here I am taking one of my many breaks. Should probably receive an Olympic medal for this high intensity training.
So I decided to venture down through the historic, trendy neighborhood of Back Bay. The Back Bay neighborhood sits southwest of my neighborhood, Beacon Hill, nestled between the Boston Public Gardens and the Charles River. Legend has it the area used to be an actual bay (more like a swamp), until it was filled in the late 1800s to create space for Boston’s best-looking elite pups like me. (Also, formerly home to Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, you may have heard of them). Now Back Bay is known for majestic tree-lined avenues and rows of pristine Victorian houses. Obviously, I prefer Back Bay as it is today because I absolutely hate water and strongly prefer dry land. The high end shopping, trendy restaurants, and cute fashionistas are a nice bonus.
Can you believe I walked ALL the way down this street? Me neither.
I began my tour of Back Bay with a little stroll down Newbury Street. Home to only the finest brands like Tiffany’s, Kate Spade, Marc Jacobs, and Ben & Jerry's. (P.S. Ben & Jerry's if you read this, I have a few flavor ideas for you. Heavy on the bacon. Call me. ) I figured this would be an ideal way to meet some of Boston's finest ladies. You know do a little recon, sniff out the scene, pee on a few trees for good measure. Then if any cute ladies approach me, I'll act real nonchalant and say things like... "You like shopping? So do I! So random meeting you here". (But for the record, I really hate shopping. Unless it involves bacon or other cured meats.)
A surefire way to find the ladies of Boston... SALE!!
Oh hey ladies... funny meeting you here. I was just randomly walking down this sidewalk.
I even tried to impress the ladies passing by with my in-depth knowledge of watercolor paintings. Classic French Bulldog move, but I think I nailed it.
Ladies... you have to LIVE the painting, FEEL the painting, BE the painting.
Look at this fine masterpiece
There I was strutting my stuff, swinging my hips from side to side, throwing a few smiles at the lovely ladies… when out of nowhere I spotted the most amazing store. A shop unlike any other on Newbury, with an enormous bay window not full of awkward mannekins dressed in chambray shirts or nautical bow ties. This shop was filled to the brim with stuffed animals, any kind you could ever imagine, waiting to be torn to shreds by yours truly.
The crown of Newbury Street. The pinnacle of pet shops. The Fish and Bone.
The Fish and Bone has everything a Boston dog could ever want. Leashes decorated with crabs, collars decorated with lobsters, handkerchiefs decorated with anchors and sailboats. Just imagine how classic East Coast I could look! Not to mention... the STUFFED LOBSTAHS. How am I supposed to be a real Boston dog if I don't have my own stuffed LOBSTAH? From the moment I saw that beautiful red squishy crustacean, I knew he had to be mine.
I'm not leaving without this LOBSTAAAHHH!
With the help of my new friends at The Fish and Bone, Mom was convinced. And right away I could tell Lobstah and I were going to be best friends forever, and by forever, I mean until I decide we’re no longer friends, and tear him to smithereens. Could be today, could be tomorrow, or could be far far in the future. So basically, this was the beginning of a very stable, healthy relationship.
Lobster (in bag) and I patiently waiting for mom to finish shopping already. Feels like an eternity.
Lobstah and I left Newbury Street claw in paw and made our way down picturesque Commonwealth Avenue back towards Beacon Hill. And just like that I forgot all about my mission to meet the lovely ladies of Newbury Street. I mean who needs ladies when you have your very own New England lobstah by your side?
Strolling down Commonwealth Avenue
Just as I was settling into a vision of life without worries, just me and my lobstah, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Not one, not two, but FIFTEEN beautiful ladies running towards me! And you know what they say... opposites attract. Unlike yours truly, these ladies were perfect fitness specimens. Running fast but still smiling. No tongues hanging out. No heavy breathing, no breaks needed. Just beautiful, fast runners... sprinting directly towards me. It was love at first sight.
But then, to make it even better, I found out these ladies are the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) Cross Country Team... which means not only are they beautiful, but they're smart too! Maybe they could help me count my bacon treats, or teach me how to install central AC, or maybe just maybe, they could invent a way to clone me (just a random idea I'm throwing out there). And in return I could offer lots of stinky face licks and a little comic relief. The possibilities are endless.
A team of beauties
The only problem with these sharp, gorgeous ladies is that they're fast. Really really fast.
And just as fast as they ran towards me, they were gone... #sadBacon
But for five glorious minutes, it was TRUE LOVE. And whenever I walk through Back Bay down Commonwealth Avenue I'll think of that one time those beautiful MIT Cross Country runners ran right up to me. And I'll keep looking for them, just in case my good luck strikes again.
But for now, I guess it's just me and my lobstah.